After a hiatus from the normalcy of training, nutrition, life, and work that started off the summer of 2012 as a truly amazing experience for me, it is time to get back to the basics that made me feel stronger than I ever have in my life, physically and emotionally. I'm going back to my normal diet state, which pretty much makes me a super-powered herbivore :D. I'm going back to my (essentially vegan, with some outside experimentation - I never stop experimenting) optimal dieting simply so everyone who wants to spend time or meals with me does not forget how much of a huge pain in the ass I am to be around. Or maybe it's because I'm now officially a social ambassador for PROBAR and I get amazinggg vegan whole food bars that make me so happy I want to eat nothing else (except for massive salads. And cookies. And other delicious healthy things that are so good my non-vegan friends think I'm an evil magician).
The real reason is a combination of things that leads to a singular cause: to be as fit and strong as I humanly can be when the world ends on December 21, 2012. Although if I could be as strong as a cockroach by then I'd likely outlive all humans...I'll ponder that one later. My 2012 season was going as great as I could have imagined - I'll do a season wrap up sometime soon, as it's pretty much over. Then 6 weeks of losing fitness (3 of which I didn't even touch the comforting saddle and bars of Slice of Life) kinda got in the way. Crashing in a really good position in the final lap of my last two races of the season didn't help build things back up either, so it's back to the drawing board.
Don't get me wrong when I say this (but I'm sure most people will get me wrong aside from a few who really really know me), I'm not satisfied finishing this season in category 2. It was my bare minimum goal for 2012 back in the spring when I was category 4. I finished it within 6 weeks of racing and was looking (and, more importantly, feeling) great to be hitting the upper goal of 2012. Race Mayor's Cup in the Pro/1 field, if not that then put in my upgrade request (from what I hear it sounds like it's more complicated than going pro) after a podium in the 2/3. But alas none of that is happening, I won't even racing Mayor's Cup. Now I know most people think I should be off the wall pumped that I'm cat 2...and I was amped......back in June. I have no reason to believe I should be category 1 at this point given that shortly after my upgrade everything fell apart except for my (invincible) bike itself - she held on nice and tight. I joked to my teammates/friends that TCR stands for Travis Crash Resistant. Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself stay away from me because you're no fun!
I got caught in a vicious cycle of:
1. Something problematic or interfering happens (crash, injury, travel, etc).
2. Subsequent loss in fitness due to lack of access to training or inability to train.
3. Struggle emotionally with losing fitness...fight the urge to believe hope is lost.
4. Remember that I *am* strong and it WILL come back, it just takes time.
5. Step 1 comes back along, manifesting itself in a new form...before the fitness had time to return.
This happened about 5 times over. It included 3 crashes, which were literally the best (not worst) of the problems. After June this year has absolutely sucked, and I've let my fitness and health fall off far more than it needed to given the difficulties. I believe external things can only effect an individual so much. Because no matter the negative external source, a strong and mentally tough individual will be able to find a way to either overcome said difficulties or use those difficulties as motivation. Regardless of what happened this summer, I'm not pleased that I faltered in my motivation and performance. Looks like it's time for yet another "Return to Glory", but on a whole different level.
On that note, I shall take the very wise advice from probably the most influential person in my life. It's time to stop deflecting and complaining and to "Suck It Up, Buttercup": the famous, never out of place nor uncalled for, always 'well played' words of Deb Kroot.
A Man and His Pursuit of Glory through ~Cycling~ Running?.
Showing posts with label re-set. Show all posts
Showing posts with label re-set. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Monday, September 12, 2011
What would you do if you had a 're-set button'?
Disclaimer: this entry is a rarity on this blog, you get to think as opposed to skim and 'listen'. Additionally, this may or may not be a result of lacking the intellectual stimulation returning to college normally provides me...
Read the title again. What does 're-set button' mean to you? What do you want it to be? Does it simply represent something emotional or is it physically tangible? What would you want to happen if you hit the 're-set button'?
I'm guessing many of you may have come across "if only I could start over with everything I knew now!", whether that was something you settled on or not is a different thing. Lightly, I think: that would be pretty cool, but the more I think the worse it gets (that's just me).
There are three picture frames that have hung on the wall along the back staircase at my house for as long as I can remember. Noting my clear lack of attentiveness at times (I like to call it selective everything-ing), I will just assume it has been there for something like 15 years. The three paintings/drawings hang together on a flat portion where the stairs turn left. They all are interesting and unique independently, but clustered together they are almost less noticeable. Even moreso, with there being three items to take in and my sheer lack of capacity to read anything that is not 25% (okay...50%) numerical or mathematical symbols, I never paid much attention to them. One time, years after they appeared, I looked at them and thought "that's kinda messed up". Yes, maybe a hair childish...but, you see, I was a child. I never really gave them much thought after that initial interaction: I was well aware the pictures were not going to change, so why go back to it. Apparently, some little part inside of me grew up, primarily my overanalytical characteristics that fires randomly in both timing and means of focal point. Many years ago (no, I'm not a wise sage...but it was years ago), one specific picture stood out to me. At the time I understood a small concept the artist was trying to slam into my brain that hated reading. The picture I am speaking of is a rather (and this is an understatement) abstract representation of a 'person', who has seemingly lost contact with himself. This person has an uncomfortably long arm that reaches underneath him and is near a little triangle that could be mistaken for an awkward, small tail. Upon your first five or so glances the illustration seems too 'weird' to receive much attention. Eventually, as stated previously, I gave in and looked at the painting, which reads in writing that is neither explicitly neat (call it 'artistic' writing) nor messily written:
"he discovered his re-set
button early on and there were not many things that
bothered him all the rest of his days
just because of that"
When I was younger I figured that this was some weird thing my parents (likely my mom as she always had a good eye for interesting things like this) had gotten and plastered there to the empty, boring staircase that led up towards my room and other parts of the upstairs. Then I lightly considered what it was doing there and thought it was some dark representation of this person who clearly doesn't like who he is or life in general. It seemed creepy and like this 're-set button' was some way to simply end life, a sort of suicidal thing that came with a confusing rebirth clause. But mainly, I was still stuck to the 'it fills up the space well' mindset.
Alas, I finally became the wise, old sage that I am today! If you didn't catch the sarcasm, leave. I'm blogging about a weird picture that hangs in my stairwell while all of you are probably expecting some cycling-based blabber that you'd care even less about. As I digress, that is neither here nor there. I've thought about this painting and the text on and off in the past few years, but as a whole representation rather than two separate entities. It is obvious that the artist included the text and the picture together for a purpose. The precise message is probably somewhat different for everyone who looks at the picture. Some may feel that the person should hit it and start over because some unfortunate things have happened in life. Others may feel it is simply comforting to know that at any moment you can ditch everything going on and restart. Others yet may be frightened at so easily being able to make the current world become irrelevant and meaningless.
My interpretation is none of these, and I feel that my interpretation is exemplary of how I perceive most of the world around me. As much dedication I have in the physical realm of everything that we do, I strongly believe that mental strength is exponentially more effective and important than physical strength. Part of it is that without mental strength, gains in physical strength are greatly compromised. I like the 'suffering' that individual sports carry with them, and am well aware I am not an expert or veteran of the sufferfest...but I like to think I'm gaining ground. But without mental and emotional adhesion and persistence, very little is possible. So, you may ask, what does all that have to do with this weird, creepy picture?
As the world is pretty much a projection of our views and knowledge, viewpoint is more than just critical in our current attitude. It is critical in how our attitude develops and why it is different than yesterday or years ago. A clear representation of this is how the picture changed for me over the years. The picture stayed the same. In fact, it has stayed completely stationary for nearly two decades. Another example is to ask anyone about a past event or even most factual happenings, there is some embedded emotional investment.
The 're-set' button isn't some way to bail out of life's difficulties or something that is comforting to know that is there just in case. Both of these represent a lack of control and stability. To me, the button is simply a tangible reminder that we have every bit of control over ourselves and much of our surroundings. If you are aware of your capacity to fix something gone awry or your ability to change direction, that is all the comfort in the world you need. It really can be that simple, at least intellectually. Simple is not necessarily immediately tangible and attainable, but it's a lot better this way. And it doesn't mean that there is any sort of marked endpoint. Finales and failures are a physical culmination of a mental disembarkment, but are by no means eternal if a change in thought comes along. There is no finale as there is always something to be done. Every day as many (and likely quite a few more) people are failing on reaching their goals as those that are attaining theirs. These goals are internal, external, personal, detached, deep, superficial, specific, general, etc. Nevertheless, they are all goals in some respect, and all started from the one same, singular thing: an idea that was important enough to someone that it deserved enough special attention to be a focal point of much work and care. Personally, I have many goals in many realms of life: some of which I may touch on at a later date. I have been slightly adrift recently but became aware of it and regained footing. Time to move in a positive direction! I'm not hitting any 're-set button', just doing what I know I (and anyone) can do: be better.
Read the title again. What does 're-set button' mean to you? What do you want it to be? Does it simply represent something emotional or is it physically tangible? What would you want to happen if you hit the 're-set button'?
I'm guessing many of you may have come across "if only I could start over with everything I knew now!", whether that was something you settled on or not is a different thing. Lightly, I think: that would be pretty cool, but the more I think the worse it gets (that's just me).
There are three picture frames that have hung on the wall along the back staircase at my house for as long as I can remember. Noting my clear lack of attentiveness at times (I like to call it selective everything-ing), I will just assume it has been there for something like 15 years. The three paintings/drawings hang together on a flat portion where the stairs turn left. They all are interesting and unique independently, but clustered together they are almost less noticeable. Even moreso, with there being three items to take in and my sheer lack of capacity to read anything that is not 25% (okay...50%) numerical or mathematical symbols, I never paid much attention to them. One time, years after they appeared, I looked at them and thought "that's kinda messed up". Yes, maybe a hair childish...but, you see, I was a child. I never really gave them much thought after that initial interaction: I was well aware the pictures were not going to change, so why go back to it. Apparently, some little part inside of me grew up, primarily my overanalytical characteristics that fires randomly in both timing and means of focal point. Many years ago (no, I'm not a wise sage...but it was years ago), one specific picture stood out to me. At the time I understood a small concept the artist was trying to slam into my brain that hated reading. The picture I am speaking of is a rather (and this is an understatement) abstract representation of a 'person', who has seemingly lost contact with himself. This person has an uncomfortably long arm that reaches underneath him and is near a little triangle that could be mistaken for an awkward, small tail. Upon your first five or so glances the illustration seems too 'weird' to receive much attention. Eventually, as stated previously, I gave in and looked at the painting, which reads in writing that is neither explicitly neat (call it 'artistic' writing) nor messily written:
"he discovered his re-set
button early on and there were not many things that
bothered him all the rest of his days
just because of that"
When I was younger I figured that this was some weird thing my parents (likely my mom as she always had a good eye for interesting things like this) had gotten and plastered there to the empty, boring staircase that led up towards my room and other parts of the upstairs. Then I lightly considered what it was doing there and thought it was some dark representation of this person who clearly doesn't like who he is or life in general. It seemed creepy and like this 're-set button' was some way to simply end life, a sort of suicidal thing that came with a confusing rebirth clause. But mainly, I was still stuck to the 'it fills up the space well' mindset.
Alas, I finally became the wise, old sage that I am today! If you didn't catch the sarcasm, leave. I'm blogging about a weird picture that hangs in my stairwell while all of you are probably expecting some cycling-based blabber that you'd care even less about. As I digress, that is neither here nor there. I've thought about this painting and the text on and off in the past few years, but as a whole representation rather than two separate entities. It is obvious that the artist included the text and the picture together for a purpose. The precise message is probably somewhat different for everyone who looks at the picture. Some may feel that the person should hit it and start over because some unfortunate things have happened in life. Others may feel it is simply comforting to know that at any moment you can ditch everything going on and restart. Others yet may be frightened at so easily being able to make the current world become irrelevant and meaningless.
My interpretation is none of these, and I feel that my interpretation is exemplary of how I perceive most of the world around me. As much dedication I have in the physical realm of everything that we do, I strongly believe that mental strength is exponentially more effective and important than physical strength. Part of it is that without mental strength, gains in physical strength are greatly compromised. I like the 'suffering' that individual sports carry with them, and am well aware I am not an expert or veteran of the sufferfest...but I like to think I'm gaining ground. But without mental and emotional adhesion and persistence, very little is possible. So, you may ask, what does all that have to do with this weird, creepy picture?
As the world is pretty much a projection of our views and knowledge, viewpoint is more than just critical in our current attitude. It is critical in how our attitude develops and why it is different than yesterday or years ago. A clear representation of this is how the picture changed for me over the years. The picture stayed the same. In fact, it has stayed completely stationary for nearly two decades. Another example is to ask anyone about a past event or even most factual happenings, there is some embedded emotional investment.
The 're-set' button isn't some way to bail out of life's difficulties or something that is comforting to know that is there just in case. Both of these represent a lack of control and stability. To me, the button is simply a tangible reminder that we have every bit of control over ourselves and much of our surroundings. If you are aware of your capacity to fix something gone awry or your ability to change direction, that is all the comfort in the world you need. It really can be that simple, at least intellectually. Simple is not necessarily immediately tangible and attainable, but it's a lot better this way. And it doesn't mean that there is any sort of marked endpoint. Finales and failures are a physical culmination of a mental disembarkment, but are by no means eternal if a change in thought comes along. There is no finale as there is always something to be done. Every day as many (and likely quite a few more) people are failing on reaching their goals as those that are attaining theirs. These goals are internal, external, personal, detached, deep, superficial, specific, general, etc. Nevertheless, they are all goals in some respect, and all started from the one same, singular thing: an idea that was important enough to someone that it deserved enough special attention to be a focal point of much work and care. Personally, I have many goals in many realms of life: some of which I may touch on at a later date. I have been slightly adrift recently but became aware of it and regained footing. Time to move in a positive direction! I'm not hitting any 're-set button', just doing what I know I (and anyone) can do: be better.
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